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Posts Tagged ‘psychology’

Martin Seligman, the inspiration behind the positive psychology movement, identified 3 thought styles that are intimately connected to how susceptible one is to depression.

These are personalization, permanence and pervasiveness.

I recently put together this little video clip about personalization.  Hope it’s helpful.

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I just got back from a conference.  The conference was pretty unremarkable.  The article in Southwest airline’s inflight magazine however, was first-rate.  Find the article here.

Camp Do It Yourself.  Here’s the idea.  Find a first-rate, energetic, spunky high school or college student.  Find a handful of kids your kids like.  Put sitter and kids together for a summer of low-key, creativity, informal sports, art theater and lots of relaxed create-your-own-fun.

As I was feeling the pressure to add this camp and that activity to the plate for our kids for this summer, I found this article so refreshing.    Let summer be summer.  A time to move at a slower pace.  A time to learn how to entertain oneself instead of to be entertained.  A time to lie in a hammock curled up with a book and nowhere to race off too.

Now that is a true summer gift for any child.  And for us adults too!

The article also got me thinking about how easy it is to assume that a professional is the best person when you need help for your kids.  Actually, often DIY therapy, tutoring etc also works great.  Here’s the basic idea.

Therapy/Tutoring Do It Yourself

1.  You, the parent find a professional to coach you and your wonderful high school or college student “coach” about how to work with your kid.  Schedule a first meeting with the three of you to create a plan for what your “coach” will do with your child.

2.  You watch out of the corner of your eye while your kid and “coach” work together.  Take notes to review with your professional.

3.  You and the “coach” follow-up with the professional.

4.  Repeat as many times as need :)!

You save money.  Your child gets more services from someone who is likely to be more on their level and way more fun.  Your “coach” gets a fabulous learning experience.  Everyone wins.

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Ok, this one might seem like a stretch – – –  hang in there with me.

My husband forwarded me this article about teaching math — http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/04/18/a-better-way-to-teach-math/.

As a former math teacher I found it interesting. As Power of Two Head Coach I found it fascinating!

Here’s my take on math and marriage.

  1. Both are based on solid skills knowledge.
  2. Both take lots of practice to make those skills come naturally.
  3. Most folks have great intuition about how to do both. It’s when there’s any pressure or challenge to the situation that this basic good sense gets totally chucked.
  4. Nearly everyone can learn to be first rate at both with some bite-sized, incremental learning.

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When I used to teach middle school, springtime may have meant flower blooming and sun shining.  And, it also brought the terror of parent-teacher conferences.  I’m not sure how I escaped graduate school without even one word of advice on how to keep discussions with parents running smoothly.  Likewise, these tips can help to build smoother consultations with parents about their children’s treatment.

Here are a few tips I wish someone had shared with me!

Have a plan– Share the plan. It helps to have a plan of how you want to use your time together, to share that plan at the beginning of the conference and to use a clock to  help you stick to that plan.  “Hi Mr. and Mrs. Adams.  It’s such a pleasure to meet with you today.  We have a 15 minute conference slot scheduled.  What I’d like to do is take about half that time to hear from you how the year has gone, then I would like to look together at a few pieces of Amy’s work.  I’ll send you home with a sheet about what we’ve covered in class this year and a folder of other work she has done.”  Then use the clock to stick to this plan.  Tempting as it is to let timing be a bit lax, parents appreciate when conference start and stop on time.

Be a HOW/WHAT detective. I used to think that the most important part of a conference was to prove how much I knew about each child.  I thought a conference meant I needed to prove just how professional and on top of things I  was.

In fact, conferences are a unique time to ask questions of parents and to help them feel like they are a part of the team.  Placing the focus more on understanding how the parents see things can be eye-opening as well as incredibly soothing for parents.  “What has been best about this year from your perspective?”  “How do you feel about Sally’s math skills?  “What will Jonah be doing this summer?”  Somehow it’s almost more reasurring as a parent to be asked the right questions then to be given the right answers.  Especially, if the right questions are followed with a nice clean work portfolio to bring home and review.

Be a YES . . . AND AT THE SAME TIME Ninja master. Your job, no matter how off-the-wall, annoying or otherwise opposed to how you see things a parental perspective may be, when talking with parents your job is to always start by figuring out how they are correct– and then to go on to really chew on what what you’re learning from them.  “YES, Mrs. Smith, I can totally see how it seems that Andy gets lost.  There are lots of kids in our classroom, and I do have to rely on the kids to work independently.  He also is such a sweet and calm child, he really never draws attention to himself.”   Then, once a parent feels you really get their concerns, the door is open to add yours.  “AND, AT THE SAME TIME one of the most important skills at this grade level is for children to begin to do much more independent work.  I actually try very hard to step back and give the kids quite a bit of independent space so they can begin to learn how to organize their work on their own.”

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Affairs are horrible painful.  They are painful for the couple.  They are miserable for children who find out what happened.  And, for the most part, they also end up being terribly painful for the “third leg.”

And, at the same time, affairs are one of the most preventable causes of marital distress.

How?

Four simple rules:

  1. Save conversations about anything intimate, revealing, special, exciting etc for your spouse.
  2. Know your family history.  If your parent(s) cheated, you need to be particularly alert to avoid making their mistakes.
  3. Try to be home with your family for dinner.  If you have to travel or do business dinners be very careful!
  4. Stay away from ex’s and old friends of the opposite sex– especially if you just rediscovered them.
  5. Be open and honest when either of you have situations that start to feel uncomfortably charged or concerning.
  6. Keep your marriage strong, intimate and loving.

Want to test you savvy?  Click on the picture or here for a fun interactive quiz.

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I’m not a big fan of homework for kids.  Actually, I’m a big anti-fan of homework for kids.  School is long enough.  When kids finally come home it’s time to play sports, read, draw, talk with friends and just chill on the couch.

Homework after a therapy session, however, is a completely different matter.  In some ways, this is the most important part of the whole project.

Why is giving and doing homework between sessions so different from homework from school?  Here’s my list.

  1. School lasts 7 hours or so a day.  Therapy is 1 hour a week (or so).  That’s not enough time to learn, practice and do.  Thus, practice and do homework.
  2. The goal of school, in many ways, is to learn to do school well.   However, the goal of therapy is to learn to do LIFE well.  So, bringing therapy home is key.
  3. Changing habits is hard.  It takes a lot of practice to do one’s life differently.  Therapy homework is a way to structure this practice.
  4. Therapy is expensive.  Homework is a way to get the most out of each session so you can use the least sessions possible!

What makes for good therapy homework?  Good therapy homework is decided on as a team with both therapist and  client(s) deciding what the assignment will be.   Good homework feels do-able so that it’s a way to succeed.

And, perhaps most of all, good therapy homework, all-in-all makes time instead of taking time.  It makes time by fostering healthier, happier ways of doing this project called life.  Because, it’s not just our kids who deserve a break at the end of the day!

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