As someone who has done quite a bit of work with both children and with parents, I often find myself trying to decide which is the more optimal point to intervene — with parents or with their children.
For example, when a teen is struggling in school, in part because things are tense at home where is the best starting point?
Certainly getting direct help for the teen is important. Providing academic support, an open ear, and tools for problem solving about how to keep one’s own life stable and healthy is of the essence.
At the same time, help as close to the source of the problem tends to be quite effective. That would suggest working with the parents. Likewise, any professional help is going to have some limited time-frame. Parents are forever. Thus, helping parents to get to a place they can provide the kind of help their child needs might have more longevity.
Every time I start to ponder this question, I realize the answer is the chicken AND the egg come first. Yes, get kids direct help. And, yes, get parents better resources too.
In the end, I think the right question is not parent or child, but what for the parents and what for the children. If all of us working with parents made sure to always ask “what am I also doing for the child?” And, if all of us working with children made sure to always ask “what am I doing the parents?” maybe we’d have less cracked eggs and more healthy chickens in this world.
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